You can't have everything. Where would you put
it?
- Steven Wright
You can turn painful situations around through
laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even
poverty - you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby
One day while Groucho Marx was working in his
garden (dressed in well-worn gardening attire), a
wealthy woman pulled up in a Cadillac and
endeavored to persuade the gardener to come and
work for her. How much does the lady of the house
pay you? she asked. Oh, I don't get paid in
dollars, Groucho replied, glancing up. The lady of
the house just a lets me sleep with her.
- Groucho Marx
(1895-1977
)US comedian, member of the Marx Brothers
A sense of humor is the lubricant of life's
machinery.
- Unknown
If you can look into the mirror without laughter,
you have no sense of humor.
- Unknown
OK, so what's the speed of dark ?
- Steven Wright
All my humor is based upon destruction and
despair. If the whole world was tranquil, without
disease and violence, I'd be standing on the
breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
- Lenny Bruce
US comedian, satirist, author
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is
the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It
is a business asset. It attracts and keeps
friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the
direct route to serenity and contentment.
- Grenville Kleiser
Everybody says that comedy is harder to do.
That's become a truism by now, but it's wrong.
Comedy is not harder. The hardest thing is to do
good work, whatever it is.
- Woody Allen
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with
Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people
died
- Steven Wright
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same
thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of
humor is just common sense, dancing.
- Clive James
Humor is just another defense against the
universe.
- Mel Brooks
Happiness for the average person may be said to
flow largely from common sense -- adapting
one-self to circumstances -- and a sense of humor.
- Beatrice Lillie (1898-1989)
English comedienne
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know
what to add to it.
- Steven Wright
(Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this
myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust
anybody!
- Steven Wright
Comedy is tragedy plus time
- Carol Burnett
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a
comedy in long-shot
- Charlie Chaplin
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy
to those who think
- Horace Walpole
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in
tranquility.
- James Thurber
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that
adds balance to your step as you walk the
tightrope of life
- William Arthur Ward
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly
cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
- Langston Hughes
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs, jolted by every pebble in the
road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Optimism and humor are the grease and glue of
life. Without both of them we would never have
survived our captivity.
- Philip Butler, Vietnam POW
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for
what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to
console him for what he is.
- Horace Walpole
English novelist
A Craftsman polishes his work, but a Comedian
polishes his errors.
- Tony Follari
Comedian