I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
--Groucho Marx (1890-1977) US comedian
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
--Groucho Marx (1890-1977) US comedian
One day while Groucho Marx was working in his garden
(dressed in well-worn gardening attire), a wealthy woman
pulled up in a Cadillac and endeavored to persuade the
gardener to come and work for her. How much does the
lady of the house pay you? she asked. Oh, I don't get
paid in dollars, Groucho replied, glancing up.
The lady of the house just a lets me sleep with her.
--Groucho Marx (1895-1977 )US comedian, member of the Marx Brothers
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
--Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself:
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead,
tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today,
and I'm going to be happy in it.
--Groucho Marx Entertainer
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
--Groucho Marx
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.
--Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
--Groucho Marx
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
--Groucho Marx
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