Under certain circumstances,
profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
--Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than
to have them and not deserve them.
--Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
Let us be thankful for the fools.
But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
--Mark Twain
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
--Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
--Mark Twain (1835-1910)
First, God created idiots. That was just for practice.
Then He created school boards.
--Mark Twain
Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels.
--Samuel Johnson
I've lived a long life and seen a lot of hard times ...
most of which never happened.
--Mark Twain
Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
--Mark Twain
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg
cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
--Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
--Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you; that is the principal difference
between a dog and a man
--Mark Twain
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything
--Mark Twain
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing,
knew that nobody had said it before him.
--Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
--Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life
disappear and life stands explained.
--Mark Twain
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
--Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal
and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
--Mark Twain Pudd'nhead Wilson
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know,
I've done it a thousand times.
- Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this it the ideal life.
--Mark Twain
One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is
that a cat has only nine lives.
--Mark Twain
Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
--Mark Twain
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
--Mark Twain
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over
the man who can't read them.
--Mark Twain
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