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Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give   
you a man who will make history. Give me a man    
with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk.    

- J.C. Penney

Helium was up, feathers were down.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Paper was stationary
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Knives were up sharply.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Cow steered into a bull market.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Pencils lost a few points.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Hiking equipment was trailing.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Weights were up in heavy trading
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Light switches were off.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Mining equipment hit rock bottom
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Diapers remain unchanged
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

The market for raisins dried up.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Coca Cola fizzled.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Sun peaked at midday
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Balloon prices were inflated
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
- TODAY IN THE STOCK MARKET

Happiness is a stock that doubles in a year.
- Ira U. Cobleigh

When will the market bottom? Frankly, when investors stop asking the question.
- Richard Bernstein Merrill Lynch Chief U.S. Strategist

We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and to be greedy only when others are fearful.
- Warren Buffet (Second richest person in the world)

In the short run, the market is a voting machine but in the long run it is a weighing machine.
- Warren Buffet

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